Annalu-Chan

Why do you this creative stuff? I mean to write, photograph, sketch or paint?
I think it would be interesting to know the motives for your art.

i got so much new stuff the last few days. i got a new camera i waited for half a year. its the lumix g3 and i just love it! it´s very handy and looks like chocolate!
cause of the waiting i got so much time to figure out some ideas for photos and projects. now i will start with it and i hope it will be as good as i imagine.
today i was at my grandmas house. i took care of my cousin Matilda who is 1 year old and really photogenic. and her laught. her laught. my grandma gave me a few odd and wonderful things. the alarm clock she had as a child and a chase rucksack from my granddad i knever met.
and 3 hipster glasses. i just love them. they make me smile everytime i see them.

here i am. laying on the floor and wondering about the world.
how difficult and sad it is.
and how wonderful.

i´d never had so much contrast in my life.
on the one hand there is this mother of two kids i´m babysitting.
she will die in about a few month because of cancer.
her husband can´t take the situation. the kids too.
it´s so scary to see this.
when he gave me the money for this evening i felt like i don´t deserve it.
why should i need this? she will die so why should i care about it?

and on the other hand there is this joy which fills me.
cause of the beauty in this world. and people who think
they are in love and get much more confident.
because everything starts to make sense.

it dizzies me. a lot. i don´t know how to feel.
i´d love to take some time alone.
but i can´t.

you know. maybe not everything is stuck.
i got so much time. and i could do anything. anything i want to do. anything which might be fun to do.
there is nobody who can say i can´t do. it´s just my mind.
maybe i should stop thinking that much. just feel free. be free.
i have no idea what to do.
but i will do something.
right
now

this isn´t me. not at all. what you see here is the try to tell you what kind of person i am by editing photos which i don´t really like at all. when i look at all my stuff i see just things i don´t really wanted to express. this are not my real feelings.
everything i want to make is in my head. i hope it is save there. but i´m not that sure.
there is so much i want to say. so much feelings but i´m afraid it will not work as i thought, just like it used to. gaaa. maybe i should just getting started, but i don´t know. Something detains me.
But when i look at the stuff i made i´m not pleased. i know i could make something better.
don´t know what to do.